Ok so earlier today I read a blog which I posted on my FB page.
It was about the difference between Shame and Guilt.
It really struck a chord with me, I always felt I held a lot of guilt but it made me realise it's actually shame!
A great definition from Brene Brown is:
Guilt is "I made a mistake"
Shame is "I am a mistake"
So I watched a few youtube clips by Brene brown, who is considered to be an expert on Shame and Vulnerability, to see if I could find out more.
Here are a few things I learnt.
There are 3 things that feed shame: secrecy, silence and judgement.
When we feel shame we want to hide, or be aggressive, or anything other than talk about it. So shame is hidden away, nobody talks about it. This is the first time in my life I've ever talked about shame!!
When we feel shame the only thing we can do is self care, talk to ourselves like we would talk to someone we love. Be gentle with ourselves. I went through this recently and talked about it in another blog. I think at the time I thought it was guilt but I now know it was shame. However, i knew the only way to get out of it was to be very very gentle with myself. I felt ashamed for having a privileged life compared to the Syrian refugees. I hadn't done anything to cause their pain, but I guess now I didn't think i deserved to have a better life than them. Recently I felt shame at an event I was at because I couldn't speak up. I thought nobody would want to hear what I have to say anyway, that I wasn't good enough. At home I feel shame for not being a good enough mother, wife, daughter, grand daughter, friend.
So gentle, loving, self care is the only way out of shame when it hits you. Don't judge yourself.
Once you are ready, it helps to talk to someone you trust about it. Don't keep it all to yourself. Bottling it up and keeping it a secret just allows it to grow.
Then the next step is to share your story, no more silence.
So I am here today sharing some of my shame, I also know that it stems from 2 childhood incidents which I feel ready to share.
When I was about 3yrs old a man attempted to abduct me, which I remember happening but not any details. My main memory is of afterwards, when my mum wouldn't let me go out front to play, I thought I had done something wrong and was being punished. Obviously my mum was panic stricken and probably more traumatised than I was.
2 weeks later the same man murdered a girl from our town. A girl of similar age. I didn't find that out until a bit later.
Moving forwards about 6yrs, I would have been about 9 or 10, a neighbour who was always so nice to me (an elderly man) somehow coaxed me into his house. He didn't physically hurt me, but I was absolutely terrified, so terrified I couldn't move. He eventually opened the door and let me go home.
When I got home my mum knew something was wrong, so I told her and she was really upset,she was saying "not again, not again" this was when I realised what had happened when I was younger. The police had a word with him, told him he gave me a fright.
He then died not long afterwards.
In both cases I felt like I had done something wrong or been stupid and caused it. Like it was my fault the elderly man died, and why did I live yet the other little girl died. Of course I didn't cause any of it, I was a child.
We all have layers we use to create our personality, to hide our real self because we don't think we are good enough.
I don't want to hide any more.... even if this is just a first step, or a first layer, I no longer need this feeling of shame in my life. I feel stronger now than I ever have before and all shame does is hold me back.
I feel incredibly vulnerable sharing this, in fact it's probably the most vulnerable thing I've ever done in my life!! But since vulnerability and breaking the silence is the way out of shame, and considering this is 11/11 today, a gateway day with the new moon, I want to put this out there with the intention I can start afresh and move forward, Release the shame in some way. Leave it behind. I am more than happy for any of you to share any shame you have in the comments. We can make this a big blog of shame :), no more silence, secrecy or judgement.
My final rambling for now.
After the discussion with my friend a few days ago she challenged me by saying 'do we need any beliefs at all'. I was totally unable to answer this. Automatically I was thinking we need beliefs to function, but I wanted to go away and have a good think about this as I thought she had a point.
We had been discussing why we can work on limiting beliefs which appear to have gone. Created new beliefs which we believe are firmly in place, yet after a spell of time these limiting beliefs resurface and take over again. Our beliefs are programmed into us from a very early age. In the womb we are developing beliefs similar to what our mother is experiencing. If the mother is incredibly happy and feeling loved this will form as a belief for the baby too. If she is highly anxious and fearful, perhaps arguing with the father all the time, the baby will also have this programmed into it. Then once born, for the first 18 mths the baby develops its beliefs by what it sees, then up until age approx 6 or 7 most of the child's beliefs are fully formed and fixed into place. There is also evidence to say that previous generations can affect our beliefs through our cells. And some people believe that past lives can also affect our beliefs.
So heres the thing.... most of our beliefs do not actually come from our own personal experiences of life.
Through studying healing it is believed that most illnesses are not created in the physical body. We have different levels of being.
Physical body (blood, organs etc), etheric body (energetic body, meridians, chakras, nadis etc), astral body (the emotional side of the chakras, astral travelling, sleeping), mental body and spiritual body. I believe there are 7 levels in total so perhaps 3 of them are within the spiritual body.
Anything created in the physical can be healed in the physical, but if it was created at an emotional level (astral body), like stress or heartache, then healing in the physical will not last long and the illness will come back. This needs to be addressed at the astral level or above as the energy works its way down the levels, not upwards.
So healing will be more effective if done at higher levels. For example take IBS, there is very little physically that can be done for IBS as generally it is caused by stress. The stress has to be addressed because healing at the physical level with drugs etc will have no long term effect. If the stress is addressed at the correct level the healing will work its way down to the physical body.
So my thoughts are, does this work the same way for beliefs? Our core beliefs are not at a physical level. In fact some are so completely irrational its ridiculous!! If we heal these beliefs at a higher more spiritual level would this have a longer term effect on our limiting beliefs. In fact could it completely remove these beliefs? There are several techniques out there which suggest they can do this like Matrix Reimprinting, Psych K, Hypnosis where they delve into the part of our mind that is connected to all, the matrix, and heal at that level, I think this may be the astral level. I have no experience of these techniques, but others have found them to be incredibly effective.
But can we take it a step further, do we even have to do this if we continually stay in this high vibrational state which becomes more and more powerful the more we stay in it? At its most powerful, which I would assume is complete enlightenment, is there a need for beliefs? At complete enlightenment we are just us, I am, and so it is. There is no judgement, complete acceptance for all that is. Maybe this is a state where our beliefs just become irrelevant.
I was listening to a vlog by Belinda Davidson yesterday and she was suggesting if we are in complete alignment our body is energetically balanced. She suggests giving attention to our chakras daily, working with white light and being mindful/present to keep our bodies energetically balanced.
So if you take care of your energetic body, your physical body will also be taken care of.
So do we need to stop trying to fix ourselves? Stop spending time changing our beliefs? Fixing yourself is a contradiction as it says you are not enough.
Do we need to stop looking for the end goal,
'I will be happy when......'
Can we change this by deciding to follow what makes you happy now!! Get into high vibration, increase its power which will diminish all limiting beliefs so they cannot affect us?
I'll continue with my experiment to see if I can maintain this vibration and the affect it is having on my life and keep you posted. I really hope some of you out there will feel drawn to joining me.
Please let me know what you think x
Possibly a little controversial this post but in my last couple of blogs I've been talking about being in that high vibrational state and how life just flows so much easier.
I have tried many times to stay within this vibration before and not succeeded more than a couple of hours, but I have managed for a few days now. However, I have had no challenges. It will be interesting to see how I cope when challenged. My theory though is that the longer you are in this state, the more powerful the vibration becomes. If we can have no distractions or challenges during the initial times then I think this would help a lot, like when on holiday and feeling much more relaxed.
I feel that as our power grows we will eventually have to go back into the 'normal' world where we may be challenged but if our trust is strong enough these challenges will not affect us and we can remain in this state.
As our strength and trust increases, our vibration will become more and more powerful, this is where I think we can change the world.
How? Through the Law of Entrainment.
The Law of Entrainment is where a more powerful force or vibration causes all others to sync up and follow it. This can be seen in many forms and you will have experienced it before. For example a single stronger pendulum will eventually cause all other pendulums around it to swing at the same rate. In a household of women, often their menstrual cycle will come into the same pattern as the dominant woman, who is normally the mother.
So if we reach a vibrational state which is very strong and solid, others around you will eventually tune into this and naturally follow it. They will become entrained to it. We already see this all the time, someone in the house is in a foul mood and it brings everyone else in the house down too, or the opposite and everyone is feeling down and someone comes in feeling very very happy, it lifts everyone else's mood.
Could it be possible that if enough of us lead the way with this that it can actually change the world?
Can we can influence the vibration of everyone we spend time with, who in turn eventually do the same thing?
What do you think?
Following on from my last post I'd like to go a little deeper and discuss the state of mind I've been in.
I've had so many thoughts running through my head that I'd like to put down somewhere. A blog seemed like a good idea :)
I believe that the state of mind I have reached can be explained by several spiritual teachers out there. Abraham Hicks call it The Vortex, Eckhart Tolle calls it Presence, others call it High Vibration, Alignment. My friend called it the Black Hole in her mind. I feel with these things that there is a sliding scale, At its most powerful is complete enlightenment. When we are in this High Vibrational, present state we don't even need to consciously manifest as anything we need or want is drawn to us and shows up, even things we didn't know we needed. For example, I didn't know I needed that conversation with my friend or that a crystal I had for ages was exactly the crystal I needed right at that time.
It's a strange but wonderful feeling where i truly don't feel fear, well certainly not that fear that had me frozen to do nothing, I am also much less judgemental, particularly with myself. And yesterday on an FB group we were asked to write down our wants. I actually couldn't think of anything I wanted at that moment as I was just feeling really content and safe. No concern about past or future, just completely in the present. I'm most likely at the beginning end of this scale, where I have to be extra mindful to make sure I don't fall out of this high vibration.
So, I've been thinking what got me into this state in the first place?
There was my realisation I needed to change on the saturday at the event I attended. My fears were not keeping me safe at all, I honestly felt like I was suffocating!
On the sunday I listened to a meditation about letting go and making a fresh start. The one thing that came to me loud and clear was I needed to let go of fear. It was strange as this felt so strong, I'm not sure if I just decided to let go of the fear, maybe I was just ready to let go of it?
On the Monday I handed my life over to the Universe and decided to follow my bliss and only do the things I wanted to do. I've also slowed down a lot, I stick to speed limits when driving, I'm not rushing about late all the time. If I feel myself getting stressed or rushing. I stop and just slow myself down. Tell myself everything is being taken care of.
Since Monday anything I need or ideas or answers to questions have just turned up.
I would love it if anyone else would like to join me in changing to live their life on their own terms, say no when you mean no, say yes when you mean yes. Trust that everything will work out and let go of fear. This is such an amazing way to live and I can't wait to see what is coming my way.
I've had the strangest few weeks, where I've felt completely unseen and unheard (you may have noticed I went quiet for a while).
Over the weekend this was so painfully highlighted to me, cars were pulling out in front of me, I couldn't speak out at an event I was at and totally froze, I had stopped reading, became very disconnected and very grumpy. The week before that I was on holiday in Turkey but just before that I was incredibly ill with gastroenteritis, which meant I couldn't really eat or drink on my holiday, in fact it was touch and go if I would be able to make the flight!
So, with the realisation this was getting worse and worse over time I hit a stage I knew I needed to do something about it.
I was feeling completely powerless!
On Monday morning I decided to give up, stop fighting and resisting flow. I contacted a couple of friends for some help (I have never been very good at asking for help)
I was ready to change and was very open to whatever would come my way. I decided that I would only do things that make me happy, follow my bliss, do what I want to do, or feel drawn to do with no agendas, no plans just one step in front of the other. Following the divine breadcrumbs. Even the chores I looked for the positive and trusted something good would come out of it.
On day 1 I was drawn to wrapping my crystals so I could wear them as a necklace, which I found incredibly therapeutic. Also I was invited to a friends for coffee where we had the most amazing chat I think I've every had in my life. We brainstormed and questioned and answered each others thoughts on beliefs, states of mind, the universe, healing etc. She challenged me on so many levels. I feel so incredibly blessed to have a friend who is on the same wavelength as me, yet we are different so see things from different view points. The realisation that we were talking about the same thing but in different ways was brilliant! I had to go away and have a good think about things we had discussed. I totally had my mojo back, I was feeling very inspired!
Day 2 through meditation (and school runs - don't ideas come to you at the weirdest times?) I am receiving huge insights (downloads perhaps?) into answers to things we were discussing (more on these in another blog). Then another friend for coffee with yet more very interesting thoughts on things that can affect our kids minds.
Day 3 after meditation I was inspired to write again, to get my thoughts into a blog or 2. I felt I strayed slightly due to 'fear of missing out' but recognised it and got back on track.
I have felt so much peace over the last few days and attracted things to me that I didn't even know I needed, the conversation on Monday which gave me back my mojo, wearing my crystals which are fantastic tools, catching up with friends, getting back to my blog and writing, discovering a few of my scruffy clear quartz crystals were actually very special crystals with other crystals growing inside them and they are crystals that really resonate with me right now. Out of the job lot of 8, 2 of them have smaller crystals which have penetrated inside them which makes them powerful spiritual teachers, both of which also have growth interference making them powerful healers and one of which also only has 5 faces at the point so carries very strong feminine energy; and another one is a generator.
In only 3 days I feel absolutely incredible, so at peace and I feel like myself, I'm not hiding, I'm not afraid. Anything I need just seems to be attracted to me right now.
This has only been 3 days! I am imagining how I may feel if I can stay in this state of mind for a week, or a month!!
This may seem like a bit of self indulgent blog but does anyone want to join me???