First of all do you have any form of self care in your life at all? Or do you constantly put the needs of others before your own? Having no self care in our lives can make us resentful, exhausted, stressed, angry, worthless, sad, depressed........ do I need to go on?
Nope, didn't think so. Most of us have at least had moments like this at some time. I know I have had many years like this. As a stay at home mum your life becomes less about you. We put our kids needs before our own, we put our husbands needs before our own. There is also this pressure from the outside world to conform to some sort of crazy ideal that we are perfect at everything we do. Perfect mum, perfect wife, perfect house, All of these perfections are for the benefit of other people, the only benefit we get is that we are accepted into society!!! Being accepted is a strong inbuilt need that we all have, stemming back to when we couldn't survive alone and had to live in groups. This makes us feel guilty if we don't conform (and no-one likes feeling guilty) so we do whatever we can to fit in and be accepted. We live is a world of 'shoulds', we should do this, we should do that. When you ever use the word should it means it's not something you want to do, it's something you feel is expected of you.
The thing is, when you are giving all the time your energy depletes, you get tired, exhausted and stressed out, until one day you snap because you have nothing left to give. (as a side note: it's often not the person or situation that is stressing you out that you end up snapping at)
What we do need in our lives is some form of balance, if we are giving we need to be open to receiving as well.
So one way that can help is to find ways of building our energy up, regularly. This is where self care comes in.
I mentioned that there are different types of self care:
Mind & Body Self Care:- so this is exercising to move our body, eating healthy food to feed our body, meditating to calm our mind... it's the self care we do because we know it will help us and we will feel good once we have done it. This is all about being healthy.
Emotional Self Care:- is where we nourish our emotional side, it's our guilty pleasures. Indulging in a spa day, relaxing in the hot-tub. As a mum of 3 kids, this is my girly days. I have no responsibilities, no one expects anything of me. I could sit and read a book in the middle of the day - a proper book not a self-help book! It's all about indulgence, maybe its a child free night away in a gorgeous hotel or walks along the beach. Whatever it is to you I give you permission, in fact I insist, that you do this every now and again.
Just Say No:- Another type of self care is is saying no, try it! Next time you are about to say yes to something that you don't want to do, and isn't essential that you do, try saying no.
Pick easy things to start with, don't make it too difficult for yourself, but just say no. As an example something simple like when you are busy doing something and some one asks you to do something else (non-urgent) which would normal end up with you multi-tasking, just say no. You can say you are busy right now doing something else, if you feel you need to justify it.
A healthy balance of all of these different self care methods is essential for our energy levels and means that even when we are doing something that deplletes our energy, we can cope with it much more easliy.
Being everything to everyone else isn't perfection, it's false. This type of perfection exhausts you and is impossible to reach.
You are already perfect, just as you are and it's time to show yourself the love and care you give to others x