I am completely and utterly passionate about energy healing, and I'm launching my first online workshop on Monday 21st November (2016) 'How Energy Healing Works', a free 5 day training with 5 bite sized trainings delivered 5 days in a row and a community to discuss and ask questions. In the training we will be looking at the science side of things. It has taken me an incredible amount of time and energy to find this all out, so why am I sharing it for free?
Well my mission is to raise awareness and confidence in energy healing, and therefore eventually have a healer in every home, and this course is doing just that, raising awareness and increasing confidence in the belief of energy healing. It is my first step to encouraging every home to have it's own energy healer or healers
I have carried out several experiments using Reiki and crystals on mustard seeds and the results above speak the truth.
Glass 1 received nothing but water, glass 2 received love and water and glass 3 had a crystal in beside the seeds and water. In all honesty I only gave love to the 2nd glass for the 1st couple of days as I then forgot but you can see the seeds receiving energy healing grow faster and stronger, and as seen in this photo over a week old with no water for 3 days actually even survive longer!
There is no placebo with plants, they have no beliefs or perception.
The problem with humans is that energy healing works just as efficiently as it does with plants, but..... our beliefs and perception can either block healing or allow it. This is why we have a placebo effect, if we believe something will work it will, and on the flip side if we don't believe something will work it won't. So if we don't trust or believe energy healing it actually may not work on the physical level at all, or at best it may work but not as efficiently, meaning you need it more often to see any effect. And saying it doesn't work, reinforces that it doesn't work, so it won't.
An example of this is when someone repeatedly says 'you are beautiful' if you don't believe you are beautiful you won't believe them, and most likely question their sanity - seriously... what is wrong with them???
We know that energy healing works, we have tested it where there is no placebo. Yet energy healing on one person, may be more or less affective on another person. The only difference is our beliefs. Just like a pill can help us.... or not, energy healing can help us..... or not. Our beliefs are the key here!! Any vibrational signal that comes into the body is sent to the brain for interpretation, it is filtered by our perceptions and beliefs. So if this signal is something we resonate with we open up to it, it is perceived as a good thing, but if we feel fear or doubt our body doesn't resonate with it and we close off to it. Things we truly believe resonate with our core.
So with this course, I am looking to increase belief and confidence in energy healing. Once we know how and why energy healing works, we are more likely to look at it as a serious option if we are ill or injured. Or even train in it or use it ourselves. I'm a huge fan of self healing, it's how I came into the spiritual side of things and I really do believe at some point self healing will become a way of life for most families, as techniques are passed from generation to generation, there will be less stress on our hospitals and dr surgeries as we will be taking responsibility for our own healing.
Now I would never tell or even ask someone to stop taking medication they require for an illness, if someone is on medication for a condition then I would suggest they speak to their Dr., tell them they are going to try energy healing and ask their Dr. to keep an eye on things with a view to reducing medication if possible in the future. But speaking from experience, I was on strong anti-inflammatories for years, 7 years in fact. I learned Reiki and Crystal Healing and started using these for pain relief, I was able to control my pain most of the time with Reiki. I did occasionally still have to take a pill sometimes (I ended up in incredible pain after an appointment in Oct 2015) but after that I never took another anti-inflammatory again. By Jan 2016 I was pretty much pain free!! Previously I was taking these tablets daily, I could end up bed bound and doped up if I ever twisted my hip or ended up over stressed. I am now rock climbing, doing yoga, even handstands!!! Playing badminton again is next on my list! I still get occasional niggles, but that's it. So I have witnessed the power of energy healing. And knowing that I can help my children with Reiki when they are over stressed or struggling to cope is an incredible feeling, or giving them a crystal to take to bed if they are scared or nervous. Even using crystals to remove pain!
When I share the energy of Reiki or crystals the feeling I have is of complete unconditional love!!
Love really is a such a beautiful healer.
So to round it up, if I can help increase your confidence in the belief that energy healing works, then that means you may consider energy healing as an option in the future or you may even train in an energy healing technique (either with me or someone else) as your confidence and belief increases so do the effects of the healing. It's a win win situation!!
If you would like to join us, just click on the button and register, if you don't receive any emails it is probably due to spam filters, so please just email me at email@example.com
we start on Monday 21st November, so in 2 days!!! And we are running an experiment like the one I posted above along side it. If you prefer to just do the experiment then just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll send you a link for our facebook community.
What are Chakras?
Chakras are energy points, like wheels of energy that turn clockwise allowing energy to flow freely though your body.
There are 7 main chakras within the body which are at points along the spine (at massive nerve centres), starting with the Root Chakra at the base of the spine up to the Crown Chakra at the top of your head.
Why are they important?
Our Chakras represent major organs as well as emotional, psychological and spiritual states. If a Chakra is balanced and flowing freely then all will be well with our bodies and emotions that are represented by this Chakra.
If they are blocked or restricted then energy cannot flow freely through your body causing a build up. So it is essential for our physical and emotional wellbeing to maintain and look after our chakras.
The first 3 chakras represent our feminine energy and draw energy up from earth, and the upper 3 represent our masculine energy and draw energy from source. These both meet at the Heart Chakra where we have connection and love.
Root Chakra (Red)
This Chakra is at the base of our spine and represents security, stability, grounding and all our basic needs. Physically it represents our foundation, so our knees, hips, bladder, colon. Emotionally it represents our safety, and fear.
Sacral Chakra (Orange)
This Chakra is just below the tummy button and represents creativity, emotions and sexuality. Physically it is our sexual organs, emotionally it is abundance, joy, pleasure, creativity.
Solar Plexus Chakra (Yellow)
This is at our Solar Plexus, around our stomach and represents our personal power. Physically it affects our stomach, gall bladder, and other major organs in that area, emotionally it is our personal power, how powerful we feel will depend on the condition of this chakra.
Heart Chakra (Green)
This can be found on the spine at our heart. This represents love and connection. This is where the lower 3 chakras meet the upper 3 chakras. It represents our heart both physically and emotionally, it is how we energetically connect with the world around us.
Throat Chakra (Blue)
Found in the throat at the top of the spine, this chakra represents communication, it is how we communicate with others, how well we verbalise how we feel. It also represents the physical side of the throat, sore throats are an indication this chakra isn't balanced.
3rd Eye Chakra (Indigo)
Found between the eye brows this is our spiritual vision, it is how we see, feel or sense energy around us. It represents Psychic communication. Physically it represents anything physical in our heads like headaches, or sinus problems.
Crown Chakra (Violet)
At the top of our head is our Crown Chakra, this is our gateway to the upper chakras, the gateway to enlightenment, spiritual connection to our higher self. If this chakra is not balanced or is closed then we are closed to our higher self.
This has been a very quick overview of the Chakras to give you a basic understanding, I will go into them in much more detail, as well as how to cleanse them over the next few days.
I've not blogged for a few weeks, actually about a month. I attended Life Coaching Training a couple of weeks ago and one of the biggest messages I got from it, which I'd like to share, with you, was this.
" It's not our negative thoughts that are the problem, it's our relationship with them "
This one statement had a profound shift in my thinking. We spend all our time trying to think positively and getting annoyed when we can't stop the negative thoughts. But in fact we can't control what we think, no matter how hard we try, but if we can shift our relationship with these thoughts then it can help us to move past these negative thoughts faster
So it got me thinking about fears, how we are constantly being told to "conquer our fears", "fear is the enemy and must be defeated" (just like we always believed with our negative thoughts). But to me this is such a contradiction. We are always told to not be anti- this or anti-that as it gives power to whatever it is we are fighting against. If we take both cases here, fear and negative thought, then surely fighting against them, in theory, would give them more power? In fact often it does, we end up beating ourselves up for our fears or negative thoughts which is the same as giving them power?
So, what if we can change our relationship with them?
Can we actually learn to be friends with fear? Instead of fighting the enemy within (which of course destroys you as well as the enemy) can we learn to accept and respect fear?
The thing is we don't want to lose the benefits of fear? We can become stupid and reckless without any fear. If a bus is heading towards you, would you really want to be fearless and not jump out the way???
To me the ideal state is to have a healthy balance of fear and love. So we do need fear in our lives but we need to learn to love and respect that fear, not try to beat it to a pulp every time it shows up. Often there is a valid lesson in the fear which we wont learn if we don't listen to it.
Ideally we want the limiting non-life threatening fears to become smaller and less significant. We don't want them to go completely as we can use them to help guide us. I know we go on about following your heart and not being led by fear, but i'm talking about a healthy conversation here with you, your heart and your fear.
Your gut instinct - a blend of mind based thought (fear) and your heart based thought (love).
Fear is never in the present, only in the past or future. so the best way I know of to make friends with fear (and have been following recently) is surrendering to the universe and spending time being present. I have no idea what is going to happen next. I have no fixed plan. I have general guidelines, but no set fixed goals other than to be happy.
I have a todo list, which is a list of things I could do each day, but no goals. There is no pressure for me to do them. I surrender to whatever I feel like doing each day, in the moment, to whatever opportunities come my way. Through living life this way I feel at peace, free with no pressure to perform. I make my decisions each moment based on what feels best. I use my gut instinct, that blend of love and fear.
This has massively reduced a huge fear of mine.
What will people think?
This fear is valid to an extent, so I don't want it to go completely.
I don't want to be rude to people or hurt peoples feelings. And sometimes its better to say nothing at all. I also don't want to not pick my kids up from school even though I'm enjoying a cup of coffee with my friend. These are judgement calls we all have to make, but without that balance of fear and love how can we make that call?
We still need fear in our lives so please stop fighting with it and be friends.
Big love to you all xx
Ok so earlier today I read a blog which I posted on my FB page.
It was about the difference between Shame and Guilt.
It really struck a chord with me, I always felt I held a lot of guilt but it made me realise it's actually shame!
A great definition from Brene Brown is:
Guilt is "I made a mistake"
Shame is "I am a mistake"
So I watched a few youtube clips by Brene brown, who is considered to be an expert on Shame and Vulnerability, to see if I could find out more.
Here are a few things I learnt.
There are 3 things that feed shame: secrecy, silence and judgement.
When we feel shame we want to hide, or be aggressive, or anything other than talk about it. So shame is hidden away, nobody talks about it. This is the first time in my life I've ever talked about shame!!
When we feel shame the only thing we can do is self care, talk to ourselves like we would talk to someone we love. Be gentle with ourselves. I went through this recently and talked about it in another blog. I think at the time I thought it was guilt but I now know it was shame. However, i knew the only way to get out of it was to be very very gentle with myself. I felt ashamed for having a privileged life compared to the Syrian refugees. I hadn't done anything to cause their pain, but I guess now I didn't think i deserved to have a better life than them. Recently I felt shame at an event I was at because I couldn't speak up. I thought nobody would want to hear what I have to say anyway, that I wasn't good enough. At home I feel shame for not being a good enough mother, wife, daughter, grand daughter, friend.
So gentle, loving, self care is the only way out of shame when it hits you. Don't judge yourself.
Once you are ready, it helps to talk to someone you trust about it. Don't keep it all to yourself. Bottling it up and keeping it a secret just allows it to grow.
Then the next step is to share your story, no more silence.
So I am here today sharing some of my shame, I also know that it stems from 2 childhood incidents which I feel ready to share.
When I was about 3yrs old a man attempted to abduct me, which I remember happening but not any details. My main memory is of afterwards, when my mum wouldn't let me go out front to play, I thought I had done something wrong and was being punished. Obviously my mum was panic stricken and probably more traumatised than I was.
2 weeks later the same man murdered a girl from our town. A girl of similar age. I didn't find that out until a bit later.
Moving forwards about 6yrs, I would have been about 9 or 10, a neighbour who was always so nice to me (an elderly man) somehow coaxed me into his house. He didn't physically hurt me, but I was absolutely terrified, so terrified I couldn't move. He eventually opened the door and let me go home.
When I got home my mum knew something was wrong, so I told her and she was really upset,she was saying "not again, not again" this was when I realised what had happened when I was younger. The police had a word with him, told him he gave me a fright.
He then died not long afterwards.
In both cases I felt like I had done something wrong or been stupid and caused it. Like it was my fault the elderly man died, and why did I live yet the other little girl died. Of course I didn't cause any of it, I was a child.
We all have layers we use to create our personality, to hide our real self because we don't think we are good enough.
I don't want to hide any more.... even if this is just a first step, or a first layer, I no longer need this feeling of shame in my life. I feel stronger now than I ever have before and all shame does is hold me back.
I feel incredibly vulnerable sharing this, in fact it's probably the most vulnerable thing I've ever done in my life!! But since vulnerability and breaking the silence is the way out of shame, and considering this is 11/11 today, a gateway day with the new moon, I want to put this out there with the intention I can start afresh and move forward, Release the shame in some way. Leave it behind. I am more than happy for any of you to share any shame you have in the comments. We can make this a big blog of shame :), no more silence, secrecy or judgement.
My final rambling for now.
After the discussion with my friend a few days ago she challenged me by saying 'do we need any beliefs at all'. I was totally unable to answer this. Automatically I was thinking we need beliefs to function, but I wanted to go away and have a good think about this as I thought she had a point.
We had been discussing why we can work on limiting beliefs which appear to have gone. Created new beliefs which we believe are firmly in place, yet after a spell of time these limiting beliefs resurface and take over again. Our beliefs are programmed into us from a very early age. In the womb we are developing beliefs similar to what our mother is experiencing. If the mother is incredibly happy and feeling loved this will form as a belief for the baby too. If she is highly anxious and fearful, perhaps arguing with the father all the time, the baby will also have this programmed into it. Then once born, for the first 18 mths the baby develops its beliefs by what it sees, then up until age approx 6 or 7 most of the child's beliefs are fully formed and fixed into place. There is also evidence to say that previous generations can affect our beliefs through our cells. And some people believe that past lives can also affect our beliefs.
So heres the thing.... most of our beliefs do not actually come from our own personal experiences of life.
Through studying healing it is believed that most illnesses are not created in the physical body. We have different levels of being.
Physical body (blood, organs etc), etheric body (energetic body, meridians, chakras, nadis etc), astral body (the emotional side of the chakras, astral travelling, sleeping), mental body and spiritual body. I believe there are 7 levels in total so perhaps 3 of them are within the spiritual body.
Anything created in the physical can be healed in the physical, but if it was created at an emotional level (astral body), like stress or heartache, then healing in the physical will not last long and the illness will come back. This needs to be addressed at the astral level or above as the energy works its way down the levels, not upwards.
So healing will be more effective if done at higher levels. For example take IBS, there is very little physically that can be done for IBS as generally it is caused by stress. The stress has to be addressed because healing at the physical level with drugs etc will have no long term effect. If the stress is addressed at the correct level the healing will work its way down to the physical body.
So my thoughts are, does this work the same way for beliefs? Our core beliefs are not at a physical level. In fact some are so completely irrational its ridiculous!! If we heal these beliefs at a higher more spiritual level would this have a longer term effect on our limiting beliefs. In fact could it completely remove these beliefs? There are several techniques out there which suggest they can do this like Matrix Reimprinting, Psych K, Hypnosis where they delve into the part of our mind that is connected to all, the matrix, and heal at that level, I think this may be the astral level. I have no experience of these techniques, but others have found them to be incredibly effective.
But can we take it a step further, do we even have to do this if we continually stay in this high vibrational state which becomes more and more powerful the more we stay in it? At its most powerful, which I would assume is complete enlightenment, is there a need for beliefs? At complete enlightenment we are just us, I am, and so it is. There is no judgement, complete acceptance for all that is. Maybe this is a state where our beliefs just become irrelevant.
I was listening to a vlog by Belinda Davidson yesterday and she was suggesting if we are in complete alignment our body is energetically balanced. She suggests giving attention to our chakras daily, working with white light and being mindful/present to keep our bodies energetically balanced.
So if you take care of your energetic body, your physical body will also be taken care of.
So do we need to stop trying to fix ourselves? Stop spending time changing our beliefs? Fixing yourself is a contradiction as it says you are not enough.
Do we need to stop looking for the end goal,
'I will be happy when......'
Can we change this by deciding to follow what makes you happy now!! Get into high vibration, increase its power which will diminish all limiting beliefs so they cannot affect us?
I'll continue with my experiment to see if I can maintain this vibration and the affect it is having on my life and keep you posted. I really hope some of you out there will feel drawn to joining me.
Please let me know what you think x
Possibly a little controversial this post but in my last couple of blogs I've been talking about being in that high vibrational state and how life just flows so much easier.
I have tried many times to stay within this vibration before and not succeeded more than a couple of hours, but I have managed for a few days now. However, I have had no challenges. It will be interesting to see how I cope when challenged. My theory though is that the longer you are in this state, the more powerful the vibration becomes. If we can have no distractions or challenges during the initial times then I think this would help a lot, like when on holiday and feeling much more relaxed.
I feel that as our power grows we will eventually have to go back into the 'normal' world where we may be challenged but if our trust is strong enough these challenges will not affect us and we can remain in this state.
As our strength and trust increases, our vibration will become more and more powerful, this is where I think we can change the world.
How? Through the Law of Entrainment.
The Law of Entrainment is where a more powerful force or vibration causes all others to sync up and follow it. This can be seen in many forms and you will have experienced it before. For example a single stronger pendulum will eventually cause all other pendulums around it to swing at the same rate. In a household of women, often their menstrual cycle will come into the same pattern as the dominant woman, who is normally the mother.
So if we reach a vibrational state which is very strong and solid, others around you will eventually tune into this and naturally follow it. They will become entrained to it. We already see this all the time, someone in the house is in a foul mood and it brings everyone else in the house down too, or the opposite and everyone is feeling down and someone comes in feeling very very happy, it lifts everyone else's mood.
Could it be possible that if enough of us lead the way with this that it can actually change the world?
Can we can influence the vibration of everyone we spend time with, who in turn eventually do the same thing?
What do you think?
Following on from my last post I'd like to go a little deeper and discuss the state of mind I've been in.
I've had so many thoughts running through my head that I'd like to put down somewhere. A blog seemed like a good idea :)
I believe that the state of mind I have reached can be explained by several spiritual teachers out there. Abraham Hicks call it The Vortex, Eckhart Tolle calls it Presence, others call it High Vibration, Alignment. My friend called it the Black Hole in her mind. I feel with these things that there is a sliding scale, At its most powerful is complete enlightenment. When we are in this High Vibrational, present state we don't even need to consciously manifest as anything we need or want is drawn to us and shows up, even things we didn't know we needed. For example, I didn't know I needed that conversation with my friend or that a crystal I had for ages was exactly the crystal I needed right at that time.
It's a strange but wonderful feeling where i truly don't feel fear, well certainly not that fear that had me frozen to do nothing, I am also much less judgemental, particularly with myself. And yesterday on an FB group we were asked to write down our wants. I actually couldn't think of anything I wanted at that moment as I was just feeling really content and safe. No concern about past or future, just completely in the present. I'm most likely at the beginning end of this scale, where I have to be extra mindful to make sure I don't fall out of this high vibration.
So, I've been thinking what got me into this state in the first place?
There was my realisation I needed to change on the saturday at the event I attended. My fears were not keeping me safe at all, I honestly felt like I was suffocating!
On the sunday I listened to a meditation about letting go and making a fresh start. The one thing that came to me loud and clear was I needed to let go of fear. It was strange as this felt so strong, I'm not sure if I just decided to let go of the fear, maybe I was just ready to let go of it?
On the Monday I handed my life over to the Universe and decided to follow my bliss and only do the things I wanted to do. I've also slowed down a lot, I stick to speed limits when driving, I'm not rushing about late all the time. If I feel myself getting stressed or rushing. I stop and just slow myself down. Tell myself everything is being taken care of.
Since Monday anything I need or ideas or answers to questions have just turned up.
I would love it if anyone else would like to join me in changing to live their life on their own terms, say no when you mean no, say yes when you mean yes. Trust that everything will work out and let go of fear. This is such an amazing way to live and I can't wait to see what is coming my way.
I've had the strangest few weeks, where I've felt completely unseen and unheard (you may have noticed I went quiet for a while).
Over the weekend this was so painfully highlighted to me, cars were pulling out in front of me, I couldn't speak out at an event I was at and totally froze, I had stopped reading, became very disconnected and very grumpy. The week before that I was on holiday in Turkey but just before that I was incredibly ill with gastroenteritis, which meant I couldn't really eat or drink on my holiday, in fact it was touch and go if I would be able to make the flight!
So, with the realisation this was getting worse and worse over time I hit a stage I knew I needed to do something about it.
I was feeling completely powerless!
On Monday morning I decided to give up, stop fighting and resisting flow. I contacted a couple of friends for some help (I have never been very good at asking for help)
I was ready to change and was very open to whatever would come my way. I decided that I would only do things that make me happy, follow my bliss, do what I want to do, or feel drawn to do with no agendas, no plans just one step in front of the other. Following the divine breadcrumbs. Even the chores I looked for the positive and trusted something good would come out of it.
On day 1 I was drawn to wrapping my crystals so I could wear them as a necklace, which I found incredibly therapeutic. Also I was invited to a friends for coffee where we had the most amazing chat I think I've every had in my life. We brainstormed and questioned and answered each others thoughts on beliefs, states of mind, the universe, healing etc. She challenged me on so many levels. I feel so incredibly blessed to have a friend who is on the same wavelength as me, yet we are different so see things from different view points. The realisation that we were talking about the same thing but in different ways was brilliant! I had to go away and have a good think about things we had discussed. I totally had my mojo back, I was feeling very inspired!
Day 2 through meditation (and school runs - don't ideas come to you at the weirdest times?) I am receiving huge insights (downloads perhaps?) into answers to things we were discussing (more on these in another blog). Then another friend for coffee with yet more very interesting thoughts on things that can affect our kids minds.
Day 3 after meditation I was inspired to write again, to get my thoughts into a blog or 2. I felt I strayed slightly due to 'fear of missing out' but recognised it and got back on track.
I have felt so much peace over the last few days and attracted things to me that I didn't even know I needed, the conversation on Monday which gave me back my mojo, wearing my crystals which are fantastic tools, catching up with friends, getting back to my blog and writing, discovering a few of my scruffy clear quartz crystals were actually very special crystals with other crystals growing inside them and they are crystals that really resonate with me right now. Out of the job lot of 8, 2 of them have smaller crystals which have penetrated inside them which makes them powerful spiritual teachers, both of which also have growth interference making them powerful healers and one of which also only has 5 faces at the point so carries very strong feminine energy; and another one is a generator.
In only 3 days I feel absolutely incredible, so at peace and I feel like myself, I'm not hiding, I'm not afraid. Anything I need just seems to be attracted to me right now.
This has only been 3 days! I am imagining how I may feel if I can stay in this state of mind for a week, or a month!!
This may seem like a bit of self indulgent blog but does anyone want to join me???
Waking up has so many different aspects to it, but a huge part which is so important to me is freedom.
I was initially attracted to the Universe etc through a book on vibrations and law of attraction but once I opened up more (years later), I became so much more aware of the world around me. This is a very common thing to go through during the waking up process.
So for me freedom comes in many different forms.
-freedom from consumerism. Leading a more simple life style. Decluttering our lives and our homes. Only buying things we love or need rather than because it is a bargain.
-freedom from advertising, manipulating us into thinking we aren't good enough unless we have this bag, this car, or look this way.
-freedom from news/government manipulations. This for me was initially highlighted during our recent Scottish Referendum with severe manipulation on both sides, but media manipulation particularly on one side. News focussing on fear, creating fear within us all to control us.
-freedom from believing I am not good enough unless I fit in. That it's actually ok to be different.... to be me. Because, and here is the funny bit, we all try to fit in! But we are all different and unique and need to learn to embrace our individual and unique skills, not hide them away because they are different from what we think is normal or acceptable to others.
-freedom to believe what I choose to believe, rather than what is popular. That I am capable of achieving whatever I feel drawn to. That anything is possible with trust and faith.
-freedom from thinking we just accept what life throws at us. We control our own lives! Whether we are aware of it or not!
-freedom from the having to go to work in a job we hate to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't even like!
It's like an endless trap. People becoming institutionalised through fear of the unknown.
Finding a job you love or creating your own business is a very amazing place to be.
-freedom to do what makes me happy, to feel joy in things I am passionate about.
I am sure there are more areas we can free ourselves from and I am by no means completely free...... yet. But as a family it is what we are striving to achieve. I want my children to grow up without limitations on what they think they can achieve.
The main thing is that we are aware of our potential and work towards it. We can see there is another way to live. Living life on our own terms and not being afraid to do so.
I recently did a bit of manifesting.
A couple of weeks ago. I just put it out to the universe whilst getting fed up looking at holidays all outwith budget, to find me a perfect holiday. All inclusive (never done that before) sunshine, luxury, local flights, within school holidays and of course within budget.
I then found out our dog couldn't be watched so I decided to leave it for a bit. If it was to work out then it would. If not then it wasn't meant to be. So I never thought anything more about it.
A few days ago my mother in law offered to watch our dog at our house if we still wanted to get away!
So I popped back online for a look and there it was perfect flights, perfect holiday, perfect price!!
I popped along to the travel agent the next day (my birthday) and there were just so many synchronicities once i got there. I really felt like everything was being lined up for me to book the holiday there and then. So I did :)
I felt amazing and so unbelievably happy.
Then came the nagging doubts. Maybe I should have waited? I'm being over indulgent when we could spend the money elsewhere? What if there is a problem with passports? Blah blah blah! What if hubby isn't happy with my choice?
Of course hubby came home, he was panicky because he hadn't been as involved as he likes and felt there was so much to do. Did what he felt was important and then felt a bit happier. Unfortunately by the time he was happier I was on a huge downward spiral. The next day just got worse, I began to worry about safety. We are booked to go to Turkey, there are horrific, tragic and devastating things happening to refugees trying to escape Syria. Then after googling issues like this and safety in Turkey (worst thing to do EVER!) I just got hit with a huge wave of guilt and fear!! What if my children get killed or kidnapped? What if we see refugees desperate for food and we are sitting there with as much food as we want? What if drowned refugee children are washed up on the beach outside our hotel? What if terrorists attack our hotel? What will we do? Could we hide in bushes? But what if the kids are in the pool? What if.. what if.. what if..
It was completely irrational and overwhelming!!!
(and yes this is the ridiculous things I think about when I allow myself to indulge in negative thoughts)
Call it hitting an upper limit, self sabotage, resistance to change, whatever label its given it still boils down to the same thing (usually self worth, do I really deserve a lovely relaxing holiday?) and negative thinking brings you even more negative thoughts.
But what is important now is that I've recognised it and am doing something to change it.
So after a spot of soul searching, watching Abraham Hicks videos on Youtube, some more soul searching I have come to a few conclusions and found a few ideas to help.
Fear or negative feelings are just a sign you are off track, the sooner you can get back on track the easier it is to do so, but you have to change your feelings to positive whatever way you can.
Doing this in small steady steps and starting off being general is the easiest way to achieve this. I went outside into the fresh air, I watched a few of the Abraham Hicks clips, then I started reading lots of positive reviews about the hotel and looked at photos etc - its such a beautiful place. Reminding myself of the beauty of the place.
One other thing I did figure out was that we need contrast to appreciate what we have. For example you can't appreciate the light if it has never been dark, can't appreciate joy if you've never been sad. So we are made aware of this contrast so we can appreciate the good, which in turn makes us feel even better!
However, if we are in an extremely negative state of thought we can feel guilt instead of appreciation.
Guilt is the opposite of appreciation.
When we are shown this contrast, the way we feel will determine if we appreciate this contrast or feel guilty. Since my feelings were extremely negative I felt guilt.
I am working my way slowly through this process. I'm not going to rush it. I'm being gentle with myself whilst I'm at that delicate balance. The tipping point. I'm not trying to push or force myself to think positive thoughts, I'm just not allowing myself to think negatively. I am avoiding the news, starting to feel ready to appreciate things again, simple things like the sun as it shines in my window. I'll take my time and soon I'll feel much more positive.
If any of you have any other ideas or tips then please please share them xx